Just As You Are
by AMKelley
Summary: Jeff attempts to console his boyfriend Jordan during his depression. (Spacehamster/JordanUnderneath) *depression, slight eating disorder*


"Hey you," Jeff said softly from the doorway.

He was hanging halfway in the bedroom, eyeing his boyfriend with a somewhat worried expression creasing his features. Jordan was still laying in bed despite it being nearly one in the afternoon. He wasn't even sleeping. As far as Jeff could tell, Jordan was just staring distantly at the wall while he was huddled up in the covers, unmoving. It wasn't something that happened everyday, but it occurred occasionally enough to where Jeff had a certain way of approaching the situation.

"I'm about to make some lunch before I get started with editing if you're interested," Jeff suggested, offering up a small smile and hoping Jordan will return it. "You sorta missed breakfast, so I thought you might be hungry."

"I'm really exhausted," Jordan replied in a meek tone, trying to be coy. There was a weight to his voice, almost like it was a chore to even speak. "I'm sorry, Jeff."

"That's fine!" Jeff reassured, stepping further into the room. His tone was patient and understanding. He's learned to take his time with Jordan as he didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable position. "I could bring it to you. We could have lunch in bed."

"I'm not hungry," Jordan reiterated, burrowing further into the blankets.

"Maybe later, then," Jeff conceded, sounding perhaps a bit concerned and hurt. "Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine," Jordan replied in a monotone voice.

"Are you sure? Cus I really don't mind," Jeff added. He felt a little bad because it seemed like he was coming off as pushy, but Jeff was genuinely concerned for Jordan's well-being. "Honestly… I'll even come and lay down with you."

Before Jordan could cut him off with a reply, Jeff was quickly making his way over towards the bed, shedding off his shoes, pants, and shirt on the way so he would be more comfortable. Jordan sat up slightly to watch as Jeff walked around the bed and slid underneath the covers behind him. Jeff squirmed his way over towards his flustered boyfriend until he was nestled up against his bare back.

"Isn't this nice?" Jeff murmured into Jordan's tousled hair.

"Jeff, please. You don't have to do this," Jordan whined, squirming back into Jeff's warm embrace. "I don't wanna be a burden and keep you from your work."

"Nonsense, you're more important," Jeff assured, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend and curling it over his chest.

"So is your job," Jordan pointed out, feeling guilty.

"I deserve a day off," Jeff proclaimed with a sense of entitlement. "What better way to spend it than cuddling with you?"

"Jeff…"

"Shhh…"

Jeff lulled Jordan into silence despite the apprehension dancing on the tip of Jordan's tongue. He hated feeling like he was dragging Jeff down with his spontaneous shifts in mood and sudden lack of interest in daily activities. Jordan hated not being in control of his emotions. He just felt lucky enough to have someone as understanding and loving as Jeff in his life. Sometimes he felt like he didn't deserve Jeff.

"Just relax, okay? I'm in no rush to get outta bed now," Jeff sighed, snuggling closer to Jordan and nuzzling his nose into soft hair. "Not when you're so warm and cuddly like one of your jumpscare Kirbys."

"You've obviously forgotten who you're referring to," Jordan quipped on a tinge of whimsy.

"You can be quite adorable when you aren't acting all edgy and dark," Jeff chuckled in Jordan's ear, unknowingly giving his lover goosebumps. "Probably the most low key, cuddly person I know."

"Shut up," Jordan said dismissively.

"Why? Are you embarrassed?" Jeff inquired in a teasing tone.

"No," Jordan lied.

He could feel the bed shift behind him as Jeff propped himself up on an elbow so he could smirk down at Jordan with an amused expression. Jeff ran his fingertips in circles across Jordan's chest, caressing smooth, delicate skin in a tender manner. It was the type of caress that usually warranted a follow up to something a bit more _handsy_ , but Jeff remained somewhat tame.

"You sure about that?" Jeff questioned, pausing a moment to adjust his position behind Jordan. "There's a little color in your cheeks that says otherwise."

Jeff laid a tiny kiss against Jordan's shoulder, generating more tiny pecks all along his arms and neck. Jeff was slow and deliberate in their placement, coaxing Jordan's tense body to relax under his touch. Slowly, Jeff was able to get Jordan to roll over onto his back which opened up many opportunities. Jeff preferred talking face to face in these types of situations anyhow. It made it much easier to determine his boyfriend's mood.

"Hey," Jeff greeted as if he were starting their conversation over. "Wanna talk about what's got you feeling down?"

"I'm not even sure what it is that's got me feeling crummy," Jordan admitted with a noncommittal shrug. He still couldn't exactly look Jeff in the eye. "Sometimes it's one small thing that's got me all hung up and other times there's no reason at all."

It made Jordan feel raw and vulnerable just admitting that much to Jeff to the point where his bottom lip started to tremble slightly, like he wouldn't be able to hold in his emotions for much longer. Sometimes even the barest hint of concern or acceptance made Jordan want to break down and cry. Jordan thought Jeff could see it in his expression that he was actively trying to avoid that eventuality when Jeff relented and didn't press the issue further. He was grateful for Jeff's empathy and ability to sense when he wanted to drop a subject.

"I know I already asked earlier, but do you _need_ anything? Like, _anything_ at all?" Jeff reiterated, still speaking softly to his lover as he stroked his thumb back and forth across the center of his chest as an afterthought. "Because I'm here for you no matter what. You don't have to be embarrassed or scared or feel like a burden to reach out for help and comfort. Your happiness is important to me and comes before anything else in my life."

"Could…" Jordan's voice cracked slightly and the moment he dared to look Jeff in eye, he could feel the tears start to sting. "Could you hold me? Just for a little while longer."

"I'll hold you as long as you need me to," Jeff stated, settling back down against the mattress as Jordan cuddled further into his embrace.

Jordan was on his side facing Jeff now and the latter couldn't help but lean in to plant a gentle kiss upon trembling lips. The timid man reciprocated the kiss, letting himself melt into the loving warmth of his boyfriend. Their lips moved as if they were in slow motion, settling for longer, sensual kisses rather than being too over zealous. Jeff pulled back slightly and rubbed his nose against Jordan's in a tender gesture as he offered up a small smile.

"You know I love you, right?" Jeff murmured, smoothing a hand through his lover's hair to brush it out of his face.

"Yeah," Jordan replied.

A part of Jordan wanted to scream _liar_ , but he knew Jeff meant every word. It was just his own insecurities getting the better of him that blinded Jordan to the reality of things. Jeff wouldn't put up with Jordan's depressive moods for two seconds if he didn't love him.

"Good. Because it's true," Jeff added. Jeff kissed him once more and pulled Jordan in tight, like he never wanted to let go. "I'd be lost without you."

It made Jordan's stomach knot up with guilt even though he's done nothing wrong. Jeff was such a loving, bright person and Jordan was so detached and apathetic with his own feelings that it was hard for him to accept love when he got into moods like this. He's aware that it's silly, but it doesn't stop him from doubting. Like how he feels he isn't good enough for Jeff or that Jeff could do better than him. Especially with how beautiful and patient and mild mannered as he is.

"Shouldn't that be my line?" Jordan asked, letting a small, amused huff escape his lips.

"Yeah, well, I'm changing it," Jeff announced. "Alternatively, you could be like Han Solo and just say ' _I know_ '. But that's only if you wanna sound cool."

"And what should I say to be sincere?" Jordan inquired, admiring the infallible charm and wit that was Jeff.

"I guess you could say ' _I love you too_ ', but that might be too cheesy," Jeff suggested, rallying back with sass and sarcasm.

"Then how about ' _I tolerate you_ '?" Jordan snarked, feeling himself relax little by little.

"That would make a good greeting card actually," Jeff pointed out, getting Jordan to smile ever so slightly. The smile on Jeff's face slowly faded out as his expression became serious once more. "I mean it, though. I really do love you, Jordan. Just as you are."

"I love you too, Jeff," Jordan reciprocated, trying to swallow back his emotions.

"Can I get some wine with all this cheese?" Jeff teased in an exaggerated tone that made Jordan blush.

Jeff always had a way of getting under Jordan's skin no matter what kind of mood he was in. He didn't know whether he loved or hated that, but in the grand scheme of things it didn't matter either way. All that mattered was that Jeff loved him unconditionally and was determined to prove it at every opportunity. Jeff would never give up on his boyfriend even through the bleakest of times, because he knew Jordan was worth being patient for.

And for that, Jordan was eternally grateful to have someone like Jeff in his life.


End file.
